When the Sun Meets the Moon
by lindsay.frances.brown
Summary: Vince starts a new job at the Zooniverse. However, he becomes distracted from this new opportunity when the awkwardly handsome Howard Moon enters the room. (Key: Vince is in bold, Howard isn't.)


**I twiddled a lock of greasy hair between my thumb and forefinger, tapping my trainers on the worn lino floor. I heard a chair scrape back and the office door opened.  
"Vincent Nordent?" Said a disembodied voice with a thick American accent. I heaved myself to my feet. **

**"Yeah? I'm sorry, I-" the voice cut me off.  
"Sit down June bug, I don't need you yet I was checking you were here." **

**I sat down, flicking my fringe out of my eyes. My nervous hands found a spring that stuck up through the ancient couch. I pulled it gently, listening to the low 'twang' noise it made. I pulled it again and again before I began humming along in a vague rendition of 'I can't get no satisfaction'. I happily twanged that spring for all it was worth until I was interrupted by a meaningful throat-clearing noise. I dropped the exhausted spring like it was red hot.  
"Yes mister Fossil sir?" **

**Fossil stood about ten centimetres shorter than myself and wore a baby blue safari suit that stretched over the expanse of his vast stomach; the silver buttons groaning at the effort. I had been told that he was the one I'd be dealing with. **

**"Come into my office and take a seat Vincey." **

**I did as I was told, trying not to break the little plastic kiddy chair I was gestured to. **

**"Okay, I have a lot of important work to do here in the zoo, so I haven't got time to look after you, it would crash with my busy schedule." He leant back and pushed some pornos further under a pile of untouched paperwork. "But don't worry; I'll get Moon to sort you out." **

**Before I could ask who or what 'Moon' was, Fossil flicked on an intercom machine and shouted, "MOON, GET YOUR MASSIVE PUMPKIN ASS TO MY OFFICE PRONTO!" Fossil leant back satisfied and just seconds later, I heard the door open behind me. **

**"You asked for me?" **

**That voice…; deep and warm like a bath on a winter's night. I turned to look at the man who spoke. The only thing that stopped me from dribbling was the sensation of my eyes almost falling out. He was gorgeous. And I mean proper gorgeous; Tall and broad shouldered with dark brown curls falling in organized chaos around his tired eyes. **

**"Fresh meat ay?" He said kindly, winking at me. I wanted to say something smart back but I ended up saying; **

**"More like fresh dog roll." And pulling at the skin on my face. 'What the fuck was that Vincent?!' Screamed my internal monologue. "You look like a fat awkward freak now!" To my {and my inner monologue's} surprise, he laughed, causing his eyes to crease cutely and his face to light up. **

**"Come on then Dog roll, let's get you started." He must have seen my badly hidden hurt at the nickname because he placed a hand on my shoulder and asked; **

**"What is your name?" **

**I managed to stutter a "Vincent" he clapped his large hand down on my shoulder, causing my knees to buckle. **

**"Right then Vince, let's go for a bit of a tour."**

"MOON, GET YOUR MASSIVE PUMPKIN ASS TO MY OFFICE PRONTO!"

The smooth jazz on the radio was suddenly and rudely interrupted by Fossils whiney, American voice. I sighed, preparing myself for some form of abuse as I neared his office door. Opening the door I took in Fossils overly pleased face and the slack hair covering the back of the head of whoever was sitting in front of him.

"You asked for me?"

The figure in the chair gave a small start and turned around. A small, slightly round, pale face looked up at me, eyes filled with… awe? A green Zooniverse jacket was stretched rather tightly over the newcomers rounded torso. He looked rather innocent.

"Fresh meat ay?" I said giving him a wink to try and make him relax out of the frozen position he had been in since I entered the room. He smiled slightly.

"More like fresh dog roll." He stammered, reaching up to pull at his face. I smiled and let out a quick laugh. This kid might make my days a bit more endurable at the very least.

"Come on dog roll, let's get you started."

At that, the kid's eyes filled with shame and hurt. With a curl of guilt, I reached out and awkwardly pated his shoulder.

"What _is_ your name?" Might as well be polite if he's going to stay.

"Vincent."

I patted his shoulder one last time and stepped away with a sense of relief.

"Right then Vince, let's go for a bit of a tour." And with that I turned and left, chubby pale teenager in tow.

**Beauty Tips from a Damn Dirty Ape:**

**The zoo was unremarkable. It was less than unremarkable if anything; dirty and old fashioned with overgrown enclosures and litter-strewn paths. And what's more, I couldn't think straight because of all the animals yelling at me. **

**"Quit staring, fatso" grunted a rather aggressive hamster. I blushed and concentrated on the ground. I saw Howard looking at me strangely. Did I have a really massive spot? Oh god, how bad was it… **

**"You alright there little man?" He asked. No one had ever called me little before, one glance down at my generous outward curve explained why. **

**"Yeah, animals are a bit rude though, ain't they?" **

**Howard looked blank. **

**"What do you mean?" **

**I stopped to look at him. **

**"Did you not hear that hamster back there?" **

**Just then, the hamster walked past me, no taller than my trainer and said; **

**"I'm a gerbil you racist jerk off." Before flipping me his middle finger and scurrying off under a hedge. Howard gawked **

**"You mean, you - you can understand them?" **

**I had been able to understand animals since I was three. The neighbour's cat Nifty puked on my socks and I had started crying and Nifty told me to "Harden up you stupid poof". Animals had never really been nice to me but at least they were accepting of my linguistic abilities.**

**"I…Erm…yeah. It's this thing…" I was trying not to blush under Howards calculating gaze. Before either of us could speak further Fossils voice screamed over the intercom. **

**"MOON, MY OFFICE. WE NEED TO SPEAK ABOUT THE WINDY MOVERS TRANSFER." **

**Howard sighed. **

**"Wait here, I'll be back soon." He was still looking at me strangely as he walked away. **

**"Vince" The voice came from the cage behind me, gruff and heavily accented. I turned to look through the bars and was met by the weather-beaten mug of a silverback gorilla. **

**"How do you know my name?" I asked warily. **

**"It's on nametag." Came the reply. I looked at the 'day visitor' badge pinned to my jacket. Oh. **

**"What's your name?" **

**The ape smiled. "Bollo."**

** Bollo was the first animal who I had ever spoken to who was not inexplicably mean. **

**"Nice to meet you mister Bollo." Bollo smiled again. **

**"Bollo tells Vince how to get rid of spots if Vince gets banana." I grinned. **

**"Really?" Bollo nodded. **

**"And how to lose weight. To stop Vince from looking like beanbag." **

**I have never found a banana so quickly in my life. I wrote down Bollo's instructions and planned to follow them religiously that very evening.**

I was ashamed at the state of the zoo, skipping over the worst parts in a bitter attempt to keep the zoos dignity intact. It was hard to look after the zoo properly with so few of us staff members. Jobs were always being neglected, like sweeping the floors and re-painting the walls. Watching the kids face as he walked beside me made me realise just how old I was. He still had spots for god's sake. However, at the moment he was looking a little put out. I couldn't help wondering if it was still about the dog roll thing I'd said earlier.

"You alright there little man?"

He looked up at me, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, animals are a bit rude though, ain't they?"

I stopped walking and leant against the glass of Bollo's enclosure, studying him closely for the first time. Noticing how pale his skin was underneath all those spots, how blue his eyes were and how silky his hair could be with a good wash.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you not hear that hamster back there?"

A gerbil scampered past his foot and under a hedge. A idea started forming in my mind, a crazy, impossible idea. One that might help to save the zoo.

"You mean, you - you can understand them?"

He started to flush a bright red as he looked down at his toes, shuffling a bit.

"I…Erm…yeah. It's this thing…"

The intercom crackled and Fossils voice boomed out again.

"MOON, MY OFFICE. WE NEED TO SPEAK ABOUT THE WINDY MOVERS TRANSFER."

I sighed. That would be the snake. I looked at Vince's confused and embarrassed face and suddenly felt an urge to protect him. From what, I wasn't sure, but as I told him to stay while I saw Fossil, I tried to forget it.

**Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes:  
****I slapped on another healthy layer of egg-yolk-based mixture onto my face, swivelling my eyes toward the clock. Ten more minutes, then I could take this ghastly thing off. It felt like my face was being stretched and pulled, everything felt odd. However, the dietary side of Bollo's instructions was a lot easier to follow. It tasted like marshmallow fluff and coconut, and I was allowed to eat nothing else for 24 hours. Tasting this good I assumed it would to nothing but make me fatter….but it was so delicious. I ate another spoonful, rolling it around in my mouth, letting the sweetness wash over my tongue. I shut my eyes in delight only to find them suddenly sealed shut by the face gunk. I swallowed and sighed, waiting for my watch to alert me that I was allowed to take it off. After what seemed like an age, the timer chirped and I staggered blindly to the sink to hack it off. I looked at my reflection. There was no change, same chubby spotty face as before, but now plastered with a look of bitter disappointment. I threw off my baggy tee shirt and jeans and collapsed onto the floor mattress in my penguin underwear. Sleep came easily, and I drifted off into a dreamy land where a skinnier me tangoed intimately with a tuxedoed Howard.**

**I woke up, bleary eyed but refreshed. I padded over to the sink and its smudgy mirror, not bothering to look in it. As I splashed my face with water I thought that I should probably check for any hugely noticeable spots that I could try and deal to before I saw Howard.  
Oh my sweet lord…what is…..****_who _****is… I ran my hands over my face. Not a scrap of puppy fat or a single spot. Instead, flawlessly smooth, pale skin and exaggerated cheekbones. My eyes which I usually hardly noticed, suddenly stood out, a stark, bright blue. I ran my hands though my silky hair….wait… silky? Sure enough, my hair fell in a perfect swoop around my new face, framing it to look slimmer still. I realized suddenly that my underwear was threatening to fall down. I glanced down to my thin, almost girlish form. Oh gosh, I ran my hands along my ribs. I stepped back and looked in the mirror, trying to take in the full effect. I looked like a rock star. My eyes flicked to the clock. I had three hours before I needed to be at the zoo. I hitched up my underwear again. Right, I needed new clothes.**

Eating dinner that night in my girlfriend's kitchen, I talked about Vince. As soon as I mentioned the whole 'talking to animals' thing, she raised her eyebrows and informed me that;  
"The kid must be on drugs."  
I shrug and look down at my plate, pushing the food around without actually eating it. Vince just didn't seem like the type to take drugs. He was too… innocent. Melanie reached over and tipped my head up to face her.  
"Stop stressing about work." She murmured, leaning in to kiss me. I pulled her onto my lap, wondering vaguely why she smelt like Fossils office. It was soon forgotten as the night progressed.

**Noir:  
****I had no less than eight people check me out on the way to the shops (wearing my jeans with a newly holed belt and an enormous Bowie tee) admittedly, five of them were males who didn't seem to realize I was male too, but any looks at all were new to me. Three hours later and I was standing at the gates of the Zooniverse, everything I'd ever wanted to be. My hair had been dyed with blond highlights and red streaks. I wore spray on red jeans and a Kiss tee shirt that had been carefully distressed to look just old enough to be a vintage. On my feet I had white cowboy boots that matched my low slung belt, hung strategically from my left hip, and around my neck glittered the silver flying v guitar charm I had been given by Leroy last year but had been too shy to wear. I had had just had enough time to stitch 'Noir' onto my green zoo jacket which now fit like a glove. No more Vincent Nordent, the chubby fumbling waste-of-space teen. This was the new leaf. Begin the age of charisma, confidence and poise. Begin the age of Vince Noir. **

Waking up in Melanie's flat wasn't strange, but what was strange was the fact that it was six o'clock and she had already left. With a groan, I rolled over and splayed my hand against the empty side where she should have been.  
Staggering into the kitchen I poured a cup of coffee and grabbed some toast before pulling on a button up shirt and some jeans.  
I got to work at eight thirty – an hour before everyone else as usual. Turning up my Jazz, I swept the floor of the reptile enclosure, waiting for Vince. At exactly nine thirty, there was a timid knock on the door. At first I wasn't sure who it was.  
The figure in the doorway was thin, skeletal almost, with pronounced cheekbones and shoulder length silky black hair framing the pale, clear, pointy chinned face. Only the height and the startlingly blue eyes gave it away as Vince. Trying to hide my surprise I attempted a smile.  
"Hey there little man. What's with…" I gestured at him, "this?"  
"Bollo gave me a few tips yesterday. Why, don't you like it?" The kid sounded absurdly worried, and as I assured him that he looked fine, I realised that he really did look good.  
However, there was no time to dwell on such thoughts. There was a floor to sweep. Handing Vince the brush I told him to sweep the path outside the aquarium.  
"MOON! THE SPEEDY FINFIN RACES ARE STARTING. GET YOUR SUGAR PLUM BUM DOWN THERE!"  
With a sight I left Vince where he was to collect my swim suit.

An hour later I emerged, still soaking wet from losing, earning me a wobbly wolf whistle from the kid. I glared at him, somehow feeling like I'd known him for years.

After getting dressed, I sat with Vince in the keepers hut with a cup of tea.  
"Sooo…"  
I looked up at him, a half smile on my lips.  
"Mhm?"  
For some reason the kid looked embarrassed, a faint flush rising to his pale cheeks.  
"Do you have a girlfriend?" he paused. "Boyfriend?"  
A laugh escaped my lips and I leant back in my chair.  
"Yeah. I've been going out with Melanie for just over a year now. She's picking me up after work. You should come and meet her." I continued to tell him all about how we met, what her job was, how much I loved her. Pip listened with a distracted look in his eyes.  
A look at the clock told me that I'd been prattling on for twenty minutes now.  
"Right," I stated, making the kid jump. "Let's go and clean Bollo's cage."  
Vince looked relieved at the change in subject, but I ignored the peculiar look he gave me as I walked out into the sunshine.

**Moon's Star  
****Howard had a girlfriend. Melanie. One name and it sent my bloody life to ruins. I felt like smacking Howard around the head and yelling "I LOST 9 KGS IN ONE NIGHT FOR YOU AND YOU DIDN'T ONCE SAY A THING!" but instead I sat next to him with a mild smile plastered across my face. As for ****_her… _****well, that was something else entirely. Gorillas were renowned for their strength; I wonder how many bananas Bollo would require to snap every bone in her body..? I found myself wondering what she looked like. Was she tall? Short? Was she thinner than me? Cos I'm sure I could lose more weight, I could be skinnier than her…What if she wasn't skinny? What if she was curvy? Then I had lost all this for nothing…Was she blonde? Brunette? What did she have that I didn't? Maybe Howard just wasn't my way inclined. Something had told me he was but that was probably just my own stupidly wishful thinking. But then I realized something, How can I have been so stupid? He didn't care what she looked like. He liked her for her brains! He said she was a book reviewer or something like that. She was probably really smart then and knew all sorts of long seductive words. How had I been so thick? I never had a bloody chance. It didn't matter how much weight I lost or how many colours I threw through my hair, I wasn't smart. Not like that. I could tell you how old a renaissance painting was or tell you whether the song was played with the original band members….but I couldn't do what she could do, What Howard wanted. I couldn't wow Howard with my vocabulary or knowledge of literature. I was still reading the Charlie Series for Christ's sake.**

**Two weeks later and I could hardly take it; Howard seemed to spend his every waking moment telling me about Melanie and her perfection. "Oh really? Melanie's been there" or "I liked it but Melanie's not so sure". Oh, and it turns out Melanie ****_is_**** thin. Not as thin as me, but more healthy looking with hazel eyes and long wavy blonde hair. She was beautiful, but not stunning, and she had a slightly cold edge to her that made me nervous. Howard introduced me to her before one of his infamously unflattering porpoise races. He had brought her along to watch. She talked to me about all sorts of grown up rubbish that I didn't understand and then asked me what school year I was in. I explained that I wasn't at school, hence the full time job. She seemed unimpressed and distracted and kept calling me Lance by mistake. I got a bit bored of this so I 'accidently' called her Gertrude, John, Uranus, Dinkle-mouse and Henry. She was not amused. When Howard predictably lost, she laughed cruelly and said "No surprise's there from cowardly-Howard." he smiled, but it was shaky and he was clearly hurt. When she went to answer her phone I awkwardly touched his shoulder.  
"Hey, come on Howard, next time, Eh? You're monsoon Moon! There's no stopping you!"  
He didn't even look at me. He just looked forlornly over to where Melanie was screeching down her phone. Little did I know that my dealings with Miss Melanie had only just begun.**

**The Moon Gets Eclipsed.  
****"Vince! You missed a spot! C'mon little man, faster than that."  
I groaned. This was utter bull-schnizz. I had been sweeping and polishing and scrubbing and mucking all morning while Howard faffed about like an excited schoolgirl about the arrival of Dixon Bainbridge. He seemed a plonker from what I'd heard, but I wasn't about to inform Howard of this.  
It didn't matter what I did, the zoo was a shambles. If I was a moustached action hero, I would want to get out of here as soon as possible. Fossil's voiced boomed through the intercom, telling all zoo staff and animals that Bainbridge was here. I could practically hear Howards inner squealing. Just then there was a knock at the door and Melanie barged in.  
"Hello Howard" she said, already sounding exasperated. She turned to me. "Victor."  
I nodded, "Goliath."  
She pursed her thin lips and I found myself picturing Howard kissing her. Eurgh, how 'bout no..? She sighed like an exhausted kettle.  
"Alright Howard, let's go and meet this moustached fool, and then you can make it up to me with a nice lunch out, okay?" Howard nodded eagerly. Dixon Bainbridge really was an utter spanner. He drumbled on about the emerald of Kuhuligui and how he survived a near fatal cliff fall by using his moustache as a grappling hook. Howard gasped at Bainbridge's suspended sentences and scribbled furiously in his little note pad. It was really quite cute. Melanie however, seemed to be enjoying Bainbridge's lecture for a different reason; curling her hair around her fingers and making suggestive little bitey faces in Bainbridge's direction. I think they were supposed to be sexy, but she looked like a Chihuahua snapping at bubbles. I glanced over at Howard, horrified at his girlfriend's blatant behaviour. He didn't seem to notice, his tiny eyes were still fixed on Dixon.  
"And so that concludes my awe-worthy battle, I'll let you all think about how inferior you are and head of on my next adventure. I hear Tibetan mountains a-calling, Thank you, Adios!" And with that he stepped down from the panel and strode out the door, leaving me in a room of applauding idiots that smelt like his aftershave. Melanie informed Howard she would be back in an hour; she had to get dressed up nice since they were going to that new posh place. I didn't remember Howard agreeing to that but he just looked at her dreamily and nodded. A few minutes later, I was whistling tunelessly with a rake in one hand, meandering my way to the aardvark shed where William, the youngest aardvark was getting in trouble for his incessant humming of 'she'll be coming' 'round the mountain.' I stopped whistling so as not to encourage him. I was in no danger of being insulted by the aardvarks because I had discovered that, apart from Bollo, most animals were incredibly shallow and the moment I looked prettier, they were all a lot nicer to me. A ginger cat in an alley had actually tried to chat me up the other day. I told the cat I was flattered, but I had a thing for tabbies. I heard William a mile off. But there was another sound as well…and it definitely wasn't a humming aardvark.**

**Bainbridge's Close Encounters.**

**I had to go around behind the aardvark shed to get inside and calm the viciously humming aardvark. The noises got louder and louder, and now there was no denying what was going on behind the aardvark shed; loud moans and grunts made it pretty obvious. William was probably just trying to block it out, the poor sod. Rake in hand I swung around the back of the shed and prepared for the worst.  
"This is a zoo not a brothel you dirty bast…" I didn't even get to finish my insult. Melanie looked at me sheepishly from where she was pressed against the wall with Bainbridge's hands on either side of her.  
"What the hell is going on here?" I almost whispered. Melanie straightened her dress and swept a blonde wisp from across her face.  
"Oh come on Lance, not even ****_you_**** are that oblivious."  
I took a step back.  
"B-but Howard…" I stammered.  
"Well that's where I step in." Said Bainbridge, speaking like he was still addressing an adoring crowd. "You see Melanie here wants, and rightly deserves, someone far better than Moon." He winked at her and she giggled.  
"But when he finds out he's gunna-"  
Melanie cut me off,  
"Who's going to tell him though? Hmm? Bainbridge isn't, I'm not and you certainly aren't. Think of what it would do to that sorry idiot. He'd top himself. He wouldn't make it as much as a week without me." I knew she was right, if I told him it would break his heart. And how are you supposed to say something like that anyway? 'Hey Howard, so I guess what I just saw? Your girlfriend and your hero getting off to a humming aardvark.' I don't think he'd take that very well. I looked at Melanie.  
"You're a stupid slag. Howard is the most perfect person you will ever hope meet and you go and screw around with this moustached twat."  
She laughed.  
"Howard isn't perfect, he's a fool who can barely tie his own laces without a manual."  
I found myself holding back tears.  
"No, no he ain't. But you've gone and ruined it." Melanie rolled her eyes.  
"Why don't you just marry him if you love him so much you snivelling brat?"  
If only. I turned, unable to hide the fat tears rolling down my cheeks and stormed off, hearing Melanie casually say,  
"You might want to lose a few more pounds as well pork chop."  
I burst into the keepers hut, utterly bawling now, half wondering if I could ram my fingers down my throat before I next saw Howard, but mainly just trying not to think about Melanie, and Howard finding out.  
"You alright little man?" I heard from the dingy kitchen. Shit. I didn't know he was here.  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, uh-huh."  
Howard must've heard something in my voice because I heard him coming toward where I was sitting.  
"I'll see you later, yeah? I need to go get some stuff of Fossil for the people with the thing." And I darted out the door before he saw my tearstained face. **

When Mr Bainbridge finished his speech, I turned to Melaine.  
"So what did you think?"  
She didn't seem to hear me, her eyes still following Mr Bainbridge as he talked down at fossil.  
"I'll be back in an hour." Her voice was distant and I frowned. "I just need to get changed before we go out to the Grove for lunch like you promised." Then she stood up and lithely floated from the room before I could say anything.

For twenty minutes I sat and waited, trying to figure out why Melanie was being so abrupt, why she couldn't seem to get Vince's name right. She knew I loved that kid like a brother.  
However, Vince himself soon disappeared off to the aardvark enclosure. Suddenly finding myself alone, I shivered as the wind picked up, blowing leaves across the recently swept path. Muttering to myself, I trudged into the keepers hut.  
Boiling the kettle, I found myself more concerned about where Vince was than where Melanie was. The door burst open and Vince stormed in. His face was streaked with tears and his hands – no, his whole body – was shaking. I turned quickly to hide my shock.  
"You alright little man?" my voice came out quiet and a little shaky but I knew that the kid was too upset to notice. Perhaps, I thought, perhaps he's just overreacting.  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, uh-huh."  
My stomach sank at his words. There was something in it, a tremble, a pitch, I wasn't sure, but something I it told me that his tears were real. And I wanted, needed, to help. Unable to stop myself, I rushed towards where he had collapsed by the door, ready to sit awkwardly by his side until he felt better.  
"I'll see you later, yeah? I need to go get some stuff of Fossil for the people with the thing."  
He rushed out the door, hands over his face, and suddenly I realised.

I missed him.

A week after that, I still hadn't talked to Vince about what had been wrong. I'd attempted to ask with a muttered, "Um, well…" in his general direction. He'd avoided the question.

Melanie's birthday was when I found out. Mr Bainbridge was still striding around the zoo, telling and re-telling tales of his adventures. On the day of my sweetheart's birth, I decided to surprise her. I bought her some flowers, ignoring the shopkeepers quip about being in trouble, and tucked the engagement ring into my pocket.  
I was going to ask her to marry me.  
As I waited in the lift my heart began to pound and my hands began to sweat. Why was I so nervous? When I entered her flat, I was surprised. The living room was empty, all the doors were closed. But it wasn't silent. Far from it, in fact.  
My mind blank with rage and surprise, I opened the bedroom door…  
Then turned straight back around and left again. Melanie and Bainbridge's laugh followed me down the hall and all the way back to the zoo. As did the image of Melanie on her back with her legs around Bainbridge's waist and her fingers wrapped around the headboard as the bed rocked and creaked.  
When I got there, the zoo was empty. The sun was beginning to set and the shadows folded around the keepers hut and I slid curled to the floor. Tears ran down my cheeks and every time I let my breath out it stuck in my throat. I had loved her. I had done everything for her and she didn't care. She had disrespected me and hated and hurt my friend. Suddenly I knew what Vince had seen that day. The pain in my chest was the worst. Fuelled by Melanie's betrayal, my rejection and the pure loneliness that was left behind, it felt like there was a hole in my chest.

Pulling out the ring that was meant to have brought the two of us closer together, I looked at it glimmering as the moon came out. Another sob racked my chest and I curled around the ring, the other hand covering my face.  
I didn't notice that Vince was there until his arm hesitantly wrapped around my shoulders, pulling into a sitting position.  
"Don't touch me." I tried to say.  
But I didn't protest as he sat with me until the tears ran dry and I was left as a wreck holding a stupid ring.

**A Half Moon****  
I stood with my ear to the door, I had only been standing here a minute but it seemed an age, Listening to Howard's heart-wrenching sobs. I didn't know whether or not I should go in. I wanted so badly to burst through that door; run in and tell him I was there and I would never leave and that I had loved him from the moment I had first laid eyes on him. Instead, I tentatively pushed the door open and crept to where he was crouched. I reached out my arm; wrapping it around his broad, shaking shoulders and feeling him stiffen slightly. He choked out something that sounded like 'don't touch me' but I paid him no notice, I just stayed where I was, my arm hanging uselessly around his shoulder. I gave up on crouching awkwardly and instead sat cross-legged behind him, slinking both arms around his middle and feeling his sobs gradually cease. I helped him to get to his feet; he stood hunched, like he bore the weight of the world. I pulled him over to the well-worn couch and he fell into it, still looking desperately broken. I stood a few feet away, looking at him and not knowing what to do. **

**After a while, Howard raised his head slightly to look at me almost pleadingly and held out his arms. I walked over and flopped to his side; wrapping my arms around him again and feeling him do the same to me. He started to cry again, quiet breathless little snuffles that he was clearly trying to supress. I squeezed him tighter and felt him take a huge shuddering breath. He leant into me slightly, pulling me close and that's how we fell asleep.**

I woke up again in the middle of the night, eyes gritty and sore from crying. Gently laying Vince down on the couch I crept to the kitchen where I splashed my face before just standing, hands braced against the counter as I stared up at the moon.  
I still felt strangely empty, hollow almost, but earlier I had come to realise that with this beautiful kid in my arms I felt safe. Vince was going to help me heal, he had to.  
I needed him.  
Pulling the ring out of my pocket once more I sighed. What should I do with it, I wondered. There was a rustle behind me and I placed the ring on the windowsill before turning around. Vince stood right behind me. His eyes looked huge in the moonlight, his face tiled up towards mine. He seemed to hesitate for a second before quickly leaning up and kissing me. I stumbled back against the bench in surprise and he moved with me, one hand coming up to rest on the side of my face, lips soft against mine. Then he sighed gently and stepped away before I could react properly and push him away or kiss him back I wasn't sure. There was a moment of silence in which I tried to sort out what I was feeling. Sad, yes, but also shocked and slightly pleased, which I didn't understand.  
"I… I didn't-"  
"Shush." I cut Vince off before he could continue and go even redder than he was already. "Let's just… go back to sleep."  
He flopped back on the couch looking up at me nervously through his eyelashes. Throwing a blanket over him I walked past and curled up in the big armchair in the corner, trying not to shake.  
Sleep came slowly.

_**I woke, momentarily disoriented, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the feeble moonlight. I could see Howard's silhouette; standing hunched in the kitchen. Sadness and confusion consumed his form, making him look almost as if he stood beneath his own personal rain cloud. I tiptoed up behind him, a mixture of nerves and excitement butterflying about in my ribcage. Howard turned and looked at me, his face just a few centimetres from my own. Before I could over-think things, I boosted myself up on my toes and kissed him, gently but insistently on the lips, shadowing him when he moved back in what, surprise? Disgust? I didn't know. All I knew was that his mouth was warm and he tasted slightly of biscuits for some reason, which did more to me than I care to mention. I pulled away as quickly as I had pounced, feeling myself burn a deep red. I sputtered the beginnings of a fake apology but Howard cut me off, directing me back to bed. I slunk away, tail between my legs and threw myself back down onto the couch, hiding my face and feeling Howard throw a blanket over me as he made his way to the empty armchair. I snuck one eye over the blanket to glance at him, unable to register what had just happened and hoping desperately that it wasn't a dream.**_

The sun rose, streaming through the open window and dragging me out of sleep. My eyes immediately darted to the couch, empty now except for the crumpled blanket.  
Memories of the night before rushed back to me and I curled in on myself, burying my head in my knees trying to sort through the confusion and pain in my chest and the sheer emptiness. There were no words to describe it.  
I would have asked Melanie to marry me. How could I have been so stupid as to think that she would really love me? And what about Vince? How did I feel about last night's kiss? Did I… did I _miss_ him?  
I heard the door open then close quietly and listened as Vince crept around the kitchen making tea. The noise stopped for a minute before he said,  
"Howard, I'm sorry about last night I-"  
"Let's just… I just… I need time." I turned around and opened the door without looking at him. "I'm sorry Vince."  
I left the zoo immediately, unable to face a day of having to pretend to be even slightly happy. The zoo wouldn't miss me, I knew, and with that thought came another, more disturbing, one. The zoo was all I had left, and it wouldn't miss me, the people in it wouldn't miss me. Pushing more dark thoughts back down into the recesses of my mind I slumped into my kitchen, moving away almost immediately when I remembered what happened in the kitchen last night, but not before grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass.

I missed Melanie, I missed the way she had made me feel like I was wanted, like I was worth something. But as the contense of the bottle got less and less, I began to realise that she had never really loved me, never really cared. She had always teased me, put me down and hated my job and interests. That was what sent me over the edge. The realisation that the one person I had ever really loved had never loved me in return.  
The clock chimed midnight and my vision blurred as I opened the medicine cabinet. God knows why, but I knew what to do. Take some, wait, take some more, wait, and so on and so forth. It was so easy, painless, as the label on the small white bottle promised.

Vince found me just as the last tear slid down my cheek and the world faded, taking the last of the pain with it.

**I watched the rake scratch across the leaves that littered the path. I was exhausted; sleep blurred my vision and my limbs felt as if they were made of lead. The rake seemed to weigh a hundred times what it actually did and each scrape dragged itself across my eardrums. It was like a sleep-drunk hangover.  
I hadn't slept since I had kissed Howard. Why had I done it? I should've just waited to see where it was all going... but Melanie... the tears... he needed me. Didn't he? No, what he probably needed was some space. Relationships were a big area of 'NO' for Howard at the moment. How could I have been so selfish?  
I sighed. Well, it was all over now, Howard's relationship with Melanie, my trust-built relationship with Howard, it was all over. I rubbed my hand over my face. Well, time to bury the hatchet... I just hoped Howard wouldn't bury a hatchet in my skull... I walked out of the zoo, pausing only to take off my keeper's jacket. Howard had once told me where he lived, so I walked there, vaguely wondering why he had left so early today.  
The lift seemed so slow as I tried to call Howard to let him know that I was there. He didn't pick up. Pushing down panic, I got out on his floor, the 13****th****, and started off towards his door with more confidence than I felt, planning out stupid little meaningless apologies as I walked; 'Hey Howard, so sorry about that, how're the Llamas?', 'Heya Howard, made ya question your sexuality! Lol!', 'Alright Howard, am I a better kisser than Melanie?' Wow, this was not my forte.  
I opened his door (why was it unlocked?) and saw Howards jacket hanging on the hook. He was in.  
"Howard? Howaaaaaard?"  
No response. Where was he...? I could feel dread rising in my stomach. I had no idea why, but it was a dark terror that twisted in my gut.  
"Howard?" The flat wasn't even that big. I swung open the bathroom door. "Howa-" Everything dropped like a rock and fell in a heavy horrible terrifying face planting smack. Howard lay face down on the floor unmoving; a smudge of blood ran from his face from when he had fallen. His skin was cold and pale and an empty pill bottle lay broken on the floor next to him.  
"HOWARD!" I ran to where he lay, dragging him onto my lap. His face was contorted and tears ran from my face to his. Suddenly, a shuddering guttural breath escaped his lips and I desperately touched his face, butterflying frantically over his lips. I pulled out my cell phone and dialled the ambulance, spluttering my emergency and the woman told me that they would be there in a few moments. He opened his eyes ever so slightly and whispered,  
"Melanie?"**

When I was let out of the hospital, Vince insisted that he come with me to 'help me stay sane'. Sore and tired, with a still foggy mind, I agreed. It took less than a day for him to move all his stuff into the spare bedroom and another day for it to get spread across my whole flat. I soon found out that despite his slim, angular appearance, Vince's diet consisted of jelly cola bottles, skittles, flying saucers and haribo. It took a week for me to convince him to eat a proper meal.  
At first, it was a bit weird. I couldn't stop myself from remembering the kiss every time we were in a kitchen together and wondering how I felt about it. But then I remembered why we had been there, alone in the middle of the night, in the first place and everything would start to collapse once more. He forced me to go to work with him and go food shopping and other everyday activities, but I was aware of him watching my every movement, waiting for me to fall apart again.  
But maybe that was a good thing because I did, twice. Each time it was with pills and every time Vince caught me, and the look of worry and disappointment on his face would make me feel so terrible and worthless. After the second time, he wouldn't let me close any doors and removed all locks except for the front door. After a month of constant surveillance I was a lot better, but still not perfect.

Vince stood next to me, chattering about the aardvark who had stopped humming, much to the relief of his family, while I continued an ongoing argument with myself about, well, Vince. After living with him for a month, I knew him as well as I knew myself almost. Knew his habits and routines, just as he knew mine. But when he left, even for just a moment, I missed him, his company and his warmth, his presence. And slowly, as much as I hated to admit it, I came to realise that I needed him.  
Vince stopped talking about the humming aardvark and looked at me.  
"You're a lot better now ain't you?" he sounded slightly mournful so I looked down at him, pausing the argument in my head.  
"Well, I suppose. Yes. Why?" from the tone of his voice and the look on his face I knew something was wrong.  
"I… I should probably be getting out of your hair then, if you don't need me anymore." He looked down at his feet and shuffled a little bit, looking sad and lost. 'No!' I wanted to shout at him, 'I need you more than you realise!' but my mouth wouldn't work, wouldn't open or make a noise. And I knew that I would let this opportunity go by, just as I had with so many others. But then he looked up through his eyelashes, meek and slightly pleading and I knew that I couldn't bear to lose him, the one person that had ever really loved me as I now loved him.  
So, reaching out, I bundled Vince against my chest and kissed him. His lips were soft and surprised against mine, then more insistent as he recovered. His arms reached up to wind around my shoulders and he pressed himself even closer to me. In response I tangled my fingers in his hair, enjoying his little moan as I accidentally pulled it a bit. Experimentally, I did it again, feeling him melt into me as I gently bit his lip.  
Pulling away with a sigh, I untangled my fingers from the multi-coloured mess of his hair and took a step back trying to hide my smile.

Finally, I was whole again.


End file.
